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I sincerely want to thank the 100+ couples who particpated in this study and contributed their shared wisdom. Over 5,000 years of successful anniversaries are represented here; with the average anniversary being over 40 years. The longest was an incredible 70 years.
** UPDATE ** The research study and book, "Married for 5000 Years" is now available! Find it on Amazon.com and Create Space.com. To order, click on the following links Amazon.com : search on "Married For 5000 Years" or "Joseph Cuenco."or Create Space.
A book signing has been scheduled at Family Resources in St Petersburg, FL on 2/11/10 at 5:30- 7pm. Details can be found on their website: youandmewe.org .
Click here to watch the January interview on Studio 10 TV !
Any questions should be directed to
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Preface
Can marriage survive the revolution of the 21st century? I, like many individuals, used to believe that marriage was forever. Although suffering the utter devastation of betrayal in my marriage and ultimate divorce, I still had hope. I always felt that if a couple wanted to be with each other exclusively and vowed to do so, that’s all it should take to make this one-time, perfect decision. I just didn’t happen to be that lucky. In finding myself on the wrong side of the one-in-two odds of a marriage not working out, I learned some very hard lessons along the way.
Then the unexpected happened. I experienced something that would influence and reshape my marriage and relationship expectations quite profoundly. I came across a couple who had unmistakably found “magic” together. They were in love, to be sure; but they weren’t newlyweds. More than four decades of marriage had passed happily between them. I don’t know if I was just amazed, impressed, or a bit envious, having learned their story; but what I saw in them sparked something inside of me. It might have been a combination of all three emotions. I wondered...if I searched long enough, could I learn how to find a relationship like that?
Many years later I started on a mission. I didn’t realize at that exact time that something was happening. I also didn’t comprehend what was stirring inside of me, the lessons that I had yet to learn, and ultimately the journey that would engage me in pursuit of answers to age-old relationship questions. I was on a quest to find the marital Holy Grail. This is a story about my journey. But it is not only my journey. It is a journey I took alongside a hundred happily married couples who also found similar magic. They demonstrated a truly unique and special kind of love. By their own words they had found that “one in a million” romance. Together happily for many decades, these experts would explain just how they found, developed, and cultivated this love that lasted for so long. They shared with me their own journey to find this Grail; and how they kept their sights on this prize. These are tales of the mountains they struggled to climb and the paradise they finally entered together. This is a story of their voices, their lessons, and the collective wisdom that echoed between them. As we lend an ear to their wise counsel, we can learn their secrets of how they kept their love strong.
Their stories provide answers to anyone who has ever asked the question, “How does one find long-lasting love?” Perhaps this is something that resonates with you. After all, if you wanted to find love and happiness in a relationship, whether in marriage or alongside that special person you’ve developed compatibility with, who better to learn from than those who have lived it, in a collective 5,000 years of marriage? Their advice and counsel is not relayed from a clinical or therapist’s point of view. Their wisdom is straight from the heart, practical, at times painfully learned; but nevertheless honest and forthright.
As I began my search for an answer, I was driven to learn more about the long-lasting love these couples exemplified and break it down into individual building blocks. What would I discover these individual elements to be? Taking that a step further, once I understood what these essential elements were, would this be something that today’s couples and newlyweds could learn from and apply to their relationships? Would these building blocks continue to be valuable and practical enough to last into future decades of wedded happiness?
My journey of discovery would be guided by three objectives. First, I had to seek out and learn from these personal experts in marriage and relationships. Experts who would prove by their own experience of a collective 5,000 years of marriage that long-term true love is indeed possible. This was evidenced in marriages of twenty-five years or longer. The longest was an incredible seventy years. Second, I wanted to investigate what was influencing and causing relationship failures to increase in our recent times. Third, I wanted to understand if newlyweds and couples considering marriage were given the right tools and views, could they fully appreciate and embrace these building blocks that helped make these long-term marriages so successful? Or would these couples need more help to be successful -- such as knowledge of the worldly influences that might stress, tear down, or even break their relationship apart? If they were wise to these factors, would it be possible, in spite of the current trends, to live happier and longer together? Would they have the foresight of entering marriage with eyes wide open to these influences?
My hope was the answer would indeed be yes.
These expert voices of hope provide comfort for those married or wanting to be. Especially for those who specifically wish to understand how one finds and maintains a bond of love that lasts for decades, even a lifetime. They also provide insight to the question of, “how will marriage survive in the 21st century?”
The ancient words of Sophocles still ring true, “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.” That is what we search for; that is what we yearn for.
So take a walk with me, and I will show you what I found on the path along the way.
“Amoré Vole Fe” (Love Needs Faith).
(Couple’s interviews have been directly transcribed and quoted. Couples who have requested privacy have had their names changed in order to respect their wishes).
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